Bits and bobs

In the words of Granny Weatherwax, “I ATE’NT DEAD.”

I am however busy. It’s an odd sort of busy that results in you being unable to do the things that you really ought to be doing. When I look at other friends who are writers, many are much busier than me, and yet achieve more.

So I’m employed, which was both a lovely Christmas present, and a daunting prospect. When I started my new job I hadn’t worked in over 11 months. It has taken a lot out of me.

Firstly I’m losing a whole chunk of the day when I would normally get the “writer” stuff done. Between about 8am and 6pm I’m out of contact almost completely.

Secondly, if you haven’t had a job in a long time, you forget how tired actually working can make you. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather be employed than unemployed, but I had forgotten just how drained a job can make you (or at any rate, I’m unused to it and haven’t finished adjusting).

And third, I’m really getting my nose to the grindstone and doing the job. No slacking, no checking emails except on breaks, no looking-like-I’m-working-but-really-on-Facebook. I’m even volunteering to do things outside of my job description. There are two reasons for this. My job is on a contract that ends in July, and whilst this position ceases to exist then, I’d like the employer to keep me on, so I’m making myself useful so they are inclined to do so. But mostly, I have something to prove to the world, and above all to myself.

I was out of work so long I doubted my suitability to work. I doubted I had what it takes to keep a job. After all, if I was worth a spit I’d have got something sooner, right? To expunge that doubt and regain faith in myself I want to prove that I’m not just good, but excellent. And that takes a lot of time and effort, more than perhaps I really need to give, but which I want to give.

That’s where I’ve been. Next post is where I’m going.

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