Fiction Friday - 30 November 2007
This Week's Theme: What throws your characters off their game? For example, if she’s a shameless flirt, what makes her awkward and shy?
NaNoWriMo 2007 is finished. But the story is not. I have 50,000 words, but only one third of a story. To be continued? Definitely...
Maria is a strong woman, mentally, emotionally and physically. But what throws her off her game is her feelings for Gideon, and her guilt about the part she played in an incident that still haunts him. So she doubts her own abilities, she views any failure as letting Gideon down, which makes her unworthy of him in her eyes... This scene takes place in the aftermath of an attack on the Watch's headquarters in the Vatican.
"What the hell?" He pressed his hand against it again. "Access denied." He grunted, and his nostrils flared slightly. "Fuck access, let me in ya piece of shit..." He hammered his fist against the door. "Open up!" The door swung open, and Maria let him get in. "What's with the attitude of the door lock? 'Access denied' my ass." Maria closed the door behind him and sighed. "Mancini's orders. All locks have been changed, only human personnel can unlock them now." She sighed and tugged at the gauntlets covering her arms. She pulled them off and threw them on to a desk, followed by the elbow pads. She stared at them, then hurled them at the wall. "Two hours! Two lousy hours I'm in charge, and the whole thing just collapses!" She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't do this Al. I've failed. Mancini, the Pope, the Watch. Gideon..." She started to unhook the Kevlar body suit, releasing the individual sections and letting them fall to the floor. "I mean look at me. I'm not a leader. I'm barely even a scientist. Just a bloody librarian, that's all. I shouldn't be wandering around in, in armour, fighting demons - I just... I've let everyone down."
Al wandered over to her and put an arm around her shoulder. "Hey, c'mon. All this? Who could've predicted this, huh? We did exactly what we would have done, regardless of who was in charge. You think Gideon would have done anything different if he'd been here?" She shook her head. "I guess not..."
"Exactly. Look, when Gideon comes back, I'm sure he's going to be glad that someone who knew what they were doing was in charge during this. You did good toots. You know that. We know that. So will Gideon." She managed a weak smile, and began picking up the pieces of body armour, shoving them roughly into a small survival pack. "We're going to have to leave soon. They're going to announce the Pope's death."
"Seriously? What’ll they say?"
"Alzheimer's probably. Suddenly, possibly in his sleep. It'll be tomorrow morning anyway. But we..." she pointed to Al, then at herself. Al took the meaning. We meaning the non-humans. "We had best not be here until after the Conclave. So we're being sent out to one of the regional bases." She wrinkled her brow slightly, as a thought occurred. "Dammit. I’m going to have to bring the Golems with me. They've never been outside before. I'm not sure how they'll react to it. This is far sooner than I thought I'd take them out. Want to help me pack them? I know Bronze has taken a shine to you."
"He’s got poor taste..." Maria hefted the pack onto her back. She turned to Al. "Gideon will know where to find us, won’t he?" Al smiled. A demonic attack, the murder of the Pope, and most of Maria's conversation had been about Gideon. "I'm sure Gideon will find us. He wouldn't want to lose you, I know that." Maria flushed slightly, and turned away from Al. "Or any of us - we’re all important to the team. That’s why he’s such a good leader..."
"True, but that's not what I meant. He wouldn't want to lose you, specifically. I've seen the way he looks at you Maria. And I've seen the way you look at him. Christ, I think the only people in this place who haven't are you and him!" He drew up beside her and dropped his voice to a whisper. "And I know that the Vatican isn't exactly romantic, but I hear Rome has its attractions. Might I suggest lunch at some point."
Maria could feel her cheeks burning, but couldn't stop the smile spreading across her face. She dropped her head slightly, and some loose hair fell across her cheeks, hiding the blush. "That wouldn't work, I don’t eat. Not like that..."
"Go for a drink then. He's a man. You're... well you were human once, you ought to know how all that works."
She looked up at him. "I don't drink either... And I am not entertaining this silly notion of yours any longer Al. There is nothing going on between Gideon and myself."
"Clearly, which would appear to be the problem!"
"I'm too old for him. Too old... and other things." She walked away from him, and bit her lip. Too different. She was one blood drop away from damnation. She was eternal night. And he was a man. A human. It would never work. It could never work. So why even try? She had a thousand reasons why she should push him out of her mind. She had rehearsed them in her mind often enough, in the silence of her room. They worked together. He was her superior. He would age and be gone, and have to suffer her presence, eternal, unchanging. If she knew what it was like to be with him, could she face up to this eternal non-life without him? Better to live without ever knowing. And of course the guilt. All that he had suffered. A situation she had led him to. Of all her sins, Maria doubted she could ever forgive herself that one. He was her friend, her commander, her colleague. Nothing more. That was reality. That was duty. Whatever she might want is immaterial, this is the way things have to be. A glance over her shoulder. "Well? Are you coming?"
Al watched her walk away, her shoulders slumped. He had heard her sigh. Humans. Go figure. And for all her protestations, Maria was still nearer to human than she was to what Al represented - she was human in his book. Human enough to deserve some happiness. Both of them. Human life was too short for excuses and rationalisations. Just take the moment and do what you want. You have the luxury of that choice. And you’ll never come back, so take the chances for happiness while you still have them. Al was no Cupid - that little fucker was too fat for a start - but he liked them. They were his friends. He wanted to see them happy.
He smiled at her. "Sure toots. Right with you."
Al wandered over to her and put an arm around her shoulder. "Hey, c'mon. All this? Who could've predicted this, huh? We did exactly what we would have done, regardless of who was in charge. You think Gideon would have done anything different if he'd been here?" She shook her head. "I guess not..."
"Exactly. Look, when Gideon comes back, I'm sure he's going to be glad that someone who knew what they were doing was in charge during this. You did good toots. You know that. We know that. So will Gideon." She managed a weak smile, and began picking up the pieces of body armour, shoving them roughly into a small survival pack. "We're going to have to leave soon. They're going to announce the Pope's death."
"Seriously? What’ll they say?"
"Alzheimer's probably. Suddenly, possibly in his sleep. It'll be tomorrow morning anyway. But we..." she pointed to Al, then at herself. Al took the meaning. We meaning the non-humans. "We had best not be here until after the Conclave. So we're being sent out to one of the regional bases." She wrinkled her brow slightly, as a thought occurred. "Dammit. I’m going to have to bring the Golems with me. They've never been outside before. I'm not sure how they'll react to it. This is far sooner than I thought I'd take them out. Want to help me pack them? I know Bronze has taken a shine to you."
"He’s got poor taste..." Maria hefted the pack onto her back. She turned to Al. "Gideon will know where to find us, won’t he?" Al smiled. A demonic attack, the murder of the Pope, and most of Maria's conversation had been about Gideon. "I'm sure Gideon will find us. He wouldn't want to lose you, I know that." Maria flushed slightly, and turned away from Al. "Or any of us - we’re all important to the team. That’s why he’s such a good leader..."
"True, but that's not what I meant. He wouldn't want to lose you, specifically. I've seen the way he looks at you Maria. And I've seen the way you look at him. Christ, I think the only people in this place who haven't are you and him!" He drew up beside her and dropped his voice to a whisper. "And I know that the Vatican isn't exactly romantic, but I hear Rome has its attractions. Might I suggest lunch at some point."
Maria could feel her cheeks burning, but couldn't stop the smile spreading across her face. She dropped her head slightly, and some loose hair fell across her cheeks, hiding the blush. "That wouldn't work, I don’t eat. Not like that..."
"Go for a drink then. He's a man. You're... well you were human once, you ought to know how all that works."
She looked up at him. "I don't drink either... And I am not entertaining this silly notion of yours any longer Al. There is nothing going on between Gideon and myself."
"Clearly, which would appear to be the problem!"
"I'm too old for him. Too old... and other things." She walked away from him, and bit her lip. Too different. She was one blood drop away from damnation. She was eternal night. And he was a man. A human. It would never work. It could never work. So why even try? She had a thousand reasons why she should push him out of her mind. She had rehearsed them in her mind often enough, in the silence of her room. They worked together. He was her superior. He would age and be gone, and have to suffer her presence, eternal, unchanging. If she knew what it was like to be with him, could she face up to this eternal non-life without him? Better to live without ever knowing. And of course the guilt. All that he had suffered. A situation she had led him to. Of all her sins, Maria doubted she could ever forgive herself that one. He was her friend, her commander, her colleague. Nothing more. That was reality. That was duty. Whatever she might want is immaterial, this is the way things have to be. A glance over her shoulder. "Well? Are you coming?"
Al watched her walk away, her shoulders slumped. He had heard her sigh. Humans. Go figure. And for all her protestations, Maria was still nearer to human than she was to what Al represented - she was human in his book. Human enough to deserve some happiness. Both of them. Human life was too short for excuses and rationalisations. Just take the moment and do what you want. You have the luxury of that choice. And you’ll never come back, so take the chances for happiness while you still have them. Al was no Cupid - that little fucker was too fat for a start - but he liked them. They were his friends. He wanted to see them happy.
He smiled at her. "Sure toots. Right with you."
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